Hair! Books! Nails!

I've got almost no money to my name and I'm swiftly running out of time to get things straight, but you know what?
Fuck it.
I got my hair done, I got my nails done and I got myself some books. I deserve it, dammit. It looks good, too.
Sometimes the only way to heal is to change yourself or your environment. I can't do shit about the environment, so changing myself if was!
More than anything its for a guy. Sort of.
Yeah, even I'm guilty of that.
On the off, off, off chance that this guy might see me, I wanted to make sure I look good. I wanted to look good for myself ore than anything, but I wanted to look better than usual for him. He probably doesn't even know I exist, outside of our occasional conversations, but its important, you know?
It baffles me, really. Once upon a time I couldn't have cared less what a person thought about me. I didn't care to continue relationships beyond friends, and I certainly didn't want people to remember me. Now I'm almost thirty and I'm freaking out.
I'm at one of the lowest points in my life, at my least attractive. Even so, I keep on trying. If confidence and persistence are attractive features maybe I'll luck out after all, hm? One can hope.
I just wish, like many people do, that I were less invisible to the people that are most visible in my own view.